World Cup and domestic abuse: If his team lost, he would take it out on me
“If you walked in front of the TV, he’d swear at you. If his team lost, he’d take it out on me.”
For one domestic abuse survivor, Isla*, who was supported by Woman’s Trust, major football tournaments were not a cause for celebration but a source of dread.
As millions of fans prepare to cheer on their team at this year’s World Cup, she remembers spending match days walking on eggshells, carefully monitoring her partner’s mood and fearing what might happen if the result did not go his way.
“I would be a punching bag for anything going wrong,” she said.
Her experience reflects a troubling pattern identified by domestic abuse charities and police forces across the country. Research highlighted by Crimestoppers has found that incidents of domestic abuse increase by 38 per cent when England loses, rise by 26 per cent when they win, and remain 11 per cent higher the following day regardless of the result.
For some households, the final whistle signals far more than the end of a match.
The survivor described how football would bring out a side of her former partner that left the entire family living in fear – and all hidden behind closed doors.
“It was horrible behaviour – testosterone-fuelled. If his team lost, he would have a conversation with his mates and then take it out on me. He was aggressive; it would trigger a hateful side that wanted to get its own back.
“You’d be strangled, blindsided with a sucker punch. You would need to stay very calm because if you do pipe up to defend yourself, you’re back at square one. When the violence happens, you don’t know what’s coming next. You’re on eggshells.”
The impact extends far beyond the immediate incidents themselves. Woman’s Trust says women experiencing domestic abuse are more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, self-harm and suicide attempts.
Woman’s Trust is the leading specialist mental health charity supporting women recovering from domestic abuse. For 30 years, the organisation has helped survivors deal with the devastating psychological effects of abuse long after the violence has ended.
Laura McCarthy, Psychotherapist, and a Trustee at Woman’s Trust, says: “Football tournaments do not cause domestic abuse. Perpetrators cause domestic abuse. However, for women already living with coercive control and abuse, major tournaments can be a time of heightened fear and anxiety.
“If you are worried about your safety or a partner’s behaviour, trust your instincts, stay connected to trusted friends and family members where possible, and reach out for support. Specialist organisations such as Woman’s Trust provide trauma informed support to help women recover from the psychological impact of abuse and rebuild their lives free from fear.”
Campaigners also warn that extreme emotional reactions linked to football can often be dismissed as harmless passion.
Social media videos have been posted following Arsenal’s recent successes in which women joked about making the most of their partner’s good mood by asking for gifts or favours.
While intended as light-hearted content, campaigners argue the trend reflects a wider acceptance that dramatic mood swings are simply part of football culture.
He would make us watch the game
For the survivor, football matches also became another way for her former partner to exert control over family life.
“I would try to take the kids to the park, but he wanted us to watch it with him. He wanted our son to watch and get tips on being a player. But our son didn’t want to do that either.
“He would make us sit and watch it. It was so important to him. It was him being at the forefront again, controlling.”
Domestic abuse survivors also point to increased alcohol consumption during football matches as a factor that can intensify abusive behaviour, leaving victims with heightened anxiety and fear during tournament periods.
“If he drank spirits, it would be worse. He wouldn’t know when to stop and would become aggressive. It was on a par with lockdown; the focus was just in the home. It would be intense.”
Through Woman’s Trust’s Living Without Hope campaign, it is calling for £27.5 million per year to provide specialist mental health support for survivors.
Half of the women who approach the charity for specialist mental health support after domestic abuse are turned away due to chronic underfunding – leaving vulnerable survivors at heightened risk of suicide.
Crimestoppers has launched a national campaign urging people to recognise the signs of domestic abuse and share information anonymously.
The charity is encouraging people to look out for warning signs including controlling or jealous behaviour, a partner putting someone down in front of others, visible injuries, withdrawal from family and friends, and noticeable changes in mood such as anxiety or depression.
For the survivor, the stark statistics represent lived reality.
“The whole environment was filled with anger,” she said.
*Name changed.
This article was written by Calypso Lloyd-Davies and includes additional interviews by Victoria Birch, Communications Manager at Woman’s Trust
